Do's and Don'ts on Adopting older kids
They are various do's and don'ts that the parent should keep in mind when they adopt an older kid. This are what professional recommends it might work or not. It depends on the situation.
Professionals suggest learning to listen to them and get to know their past life, by most traumatic and troubled that this has been. Build the concept of adoption as a positive and accept and love him as family. Allow the children to have mishaps when they start his new life: like wetting the bed or asks to be held like a baby. Spend time with them having lunch or simply talking about anything. Have a celebration where you'll legalize the presence of the child within the family and all recognize him as a new Member.
Define limits and enforce them with love to help the child become an independent and proper adult safe. Let him have a say on what activities he wants to do with his parents like go to the Park, paint, read, play, see television, etc.
Father and mother must alternate the role of taking care of him. Both parents must be commited to the responsibility of having a new Member in the family. So that the child might learn to rely on his parents.
Avoid to saying Yes to every he ask, especially if your saying Yes to compensate for the suffering on his previous life. It is best to create routines and an order in the House. Reacting to the child if he says things like "I don't love you", "you are not my mom," "you're ugly". This type of expressions are normal in the period of adaptation and should assume rationally and calmly.
Do activities that the child is not used too. This generates rejection and fear of the unknown. Wait until the child act according and is ready to be carried to large family meetings in where everyone wants to pamper him and show him their love in excess.
To say that it's not your son, because from the moment that you adopt him he assumed your his parents. Don't treat him as an adult, no matter the maturity nor the age that he has,he is still a child. Don't threaten to abandon him if he misbehaves; this can trigger a negative reaction.