Adopting older children

When a child older than five years old arrives at your new home through the adoption, the real challenge for parents is to start from scratch and build a strong bond beyond the prejudices that can arise from his background.

At that age the child already has a life story that he recalls and must of the time it has been complicated. Must of the children are either neglect, abuse or his parents died tragically. But during the adoption process the adopters are informed of the conditions to assess whether they can tolerate it or not.

You'll want to check whether he is confortable in his new home. The child will sometimes defy the parents authority. He might prevent physical contact (especially if he was a victim of abuse or rejection), resist to say "MOM" and "DAD" or, will prefer one but reject the other.

These behaviors are normal, because the child is trying to impose their way of being in this new space and tends to generate a conflict. The important thing is to know that this kind of relationship is built gradually and that the adult is responsible for making them strong, because the minor does not have tools to do so.Professionals suggest being very observent, try to conquer the child and sync with him. It is important to assure him that, his new family is always going to be unconditionally with him, despite the errors or tantrums he makes.

The child will adapt to his new family when he generates empathy towards them. Sometimes it is immediate and sometimes it takes a really long time. The parents should always be patient.

For a couple that is over 40 years old adopting a child older then 5 years are countless, in particular because they don't have the energy to deal with a newborn.